Helen Writings
She goes to the party, even though it’s late.
Remembering all the moments they spent together, when someone finally opens the door, she enters the house still involved in the romantic mood that her memories brought.
She had to wait a long time until someone finally heard the bell because the music was too loud.
There are so many people inside there that she cannot find her friend or recognize anyone. So many faces!
No place to sit down. She stays near the door because it’s impossible to walk. There are even people in the most hidden corners and who knows where else…
She is thirsty but nobody offers her a drink.
She sees a disk with a few full glasses on the table. What is inside them?
She tries to walk and reach them, but she cannot move. She then has the idea to ask for a glass to someone near her. She does that and the guy she asks to bring her a glass asks it to another guy and so on, until someone finally gets the glass and sends it to her, through many hands.
It’s whisky with water, because the ice has melted. She smells it and feels like throwing up.
Where could she leave the glass?
The nearest table is a few feet further and she cannot move.
She feels like a sardine in a can.
After waiting and listening to the loud music and to the noise of many conversations at the same time, she gives the glass to someone that finally gets it from her hand.
She opens the door and leaves.
Too much traffic in the streets…
She returns home dead tired and sleeps.
The next day three alarm clocks repeat many times that it’s time to wake up, but her ears have immunization against alarm clocks. This is a self-defense: her tired body automatically becomes one with the bed as soon as the alarm clocks begin.
Well, she delays too much to arrive to the office again…
Meanwhile, her boss forgot the keys inside his car and closed the door, which automatically locks.
He tries to call his wife; however his cellular battery is dead because he forgot to recharge it. He asks her to give him her cellular.
However, she forgot to bring it with her, because she left in a hurry, forgetting also to bring with her many other items, left in another purse.
A colleague has the office keys and saves them, opening the door triumphantly.
They enter and she answers the phone. Someone complains about what is happening next week. She sends the line to her boss.
A couple enters talking. She looks at them and asks them what they want. However, they are too busy talking between themselves without paying any attention to her.
A man asks her about his case. She opens the drawer, but she cannot find a very important paper that should be there.
She goes to the next room, looking for the missing document.
However, it cannot be found.
The couple asks her a hundred questions at the same time, when they finally finish talking by themselves.
She is taller than him and he is bald. If she was brunette, they would be like Olive and Popeye, but she is too blonde. Her hair color is obviously the result of many types of dyes.
Popeye is a little stutterer and manages somehow to finish his questions, while Olive talks too fast, without ever shouting her mouth.
The phone rings again.
The mail man brings her many envelopes that she has to organize.
The man who was waiting for the missing document finishes talking with his partner on his cellular phone and asks her what will happen with his case.
Olive becomes irritated because time is running out and she has an appointment.
Someone else comes in and starts asking questions too.
Her boss is fighting with his wife on the second telephone, while her colleague is flirting with a secretary on the first one. She cannot make any phone calls, because there is no third line …
A woman enters and sits down near her desk, as if nobody else was there and it was her turn to be attended. The entire office smells strongly of her fragrance.
Popeye becomes irritated with the delay too.
She feels that the “sympathetic couple” is going to hit her, besides the man who is waiting for the missing document.
Too many “very pleasant” complaints at the same time complete the already “very nice” scenario. They come from the over-perfumed woman, who speaks at a speed of approximately sixty words per second.
Both telephones ring at the same time.
She tells everyone that her boss is going to solve all their problems, one by one.
However, her boss suddenly leaves the office without saying a word, because he urgently needs a lawyer to prepare his divorce.
Her colleague has no idea about anything. He’s only a tourist in the office, because he is the boss’s nephew.
However, she tells the complainers that he is their savior and that he will solve all the existing problems in her boss’s place, since they ignore the bitter truth and she doesn’t know what to do.
The man who is waiting for the missing document is ready to hit her colleague.
However, another problem suddenly occupies all of them: someone is shouting inside the lift. It is stuck in the middle of the floor and nobody can get out of there.
Three very fat men are responsible for this abnormality: the three together must weigh more than a ton.
She calls the building’s janitor, asking for help. However, he is busy with another problem, somewhere else.
She gets out of the office abandoning the complainers to comfort the imprisoned in the lift.
Her complainers follow her.
She finds a chance to go back to the office without being noticed and tells the boss’s nephew to get out.
They lock the door, so that the complainers won’t get back in.
The firemen arrive and everyone wants to watch the miraculous salvation of the three fat prisoners in the lift, forgetting their rush.
However, the heroic firemen disappoint everyone: many other problems arise as they try to solve the first ones.
Where is the building’s janitor?
They look for him everywhere.
However, he cannot be found.
Someone looks for her.
However, the office is locked and nobody is there.
Finally, someone finds the building’s janitor, after many failed attempts.
However, the janitor forgot where they keep the lift’s maintenance equipment and he cannot save the fat prisoners.
Her boss arrives.
However, he doesn’t have the office keys, because they are still in the locked car.
Someone calls the police, but they tell them to call the firemen instead.
Finally, an intelligent observer smiles, enlightened by a very brilliant idea that will save the lift’s prisoners without delay.
However, it doesn’t work…
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Tags: daily humor
Posted in Humor · June 27th, 2010 · Comments (0)
I was doing a restaurant opening, observing the new servers in their stations, and I noticed that one girl had forgot to bring her table some ketchup. I bent down to pull a bottle out of the cabinet and another waitress came up and swiftly opened a drawer into my brow bone. It hurt really bad, but I composed myself because I knew the girl felt terrible, I brushed it off and hurried to drop the ketchup off at the table. As I approached the table I noticed they were looking at me weird, but I smiled and dropped the ketchup off, asking them if they needed anything else. They all stared at me and finally the Dad said no thank you. I walked down the aisle of tables and noticed that many of them were giving me weird looks, so I walked up to another trainer and asked if I had anything on my face. He looked at me in horror and said, “Oh My GOD!!! You are bleeding everywhere”, I looked down at my shirt and it had a stream of blood all over it. I went to the back and looked in a mirror and I had blood dripping down my face and covering my shirt. Basically, I had walked up to a table bleeding everywhere, I’m sure they thoroughly enjoyed their dinners mmmmm here’s your ketchup.
-Kristen
I have been a hostess at a corporate establishment for a few years and a couple weeks ago I encountered my worst customer ever! It was a busy Friday night and the wait was about 1 1/2 hours long. A man came in with his family and asked for a table for 6, I handed him his buzzer and quoted him his wait time 1 hour. A little over 30 min later he came up to me at the desk and demanded to know why a party of 2 who came in after him got seated first. I explained that the wait is generally longer for the higher amount of people he had, we have several more 2-top or 4-top tables that can accommodate 2 people and less booths or tables that accommodate 6. He started getting more and more angry and yelling at me right in front of the whole lobby, I told him I would have the other hostess grab a manager to come and talk to him and asked him to wait. I started back to my job of filling the sections in the computer and calling names, as soon as another party of 2 came up to be seated he started screaming again about how it was unfair we were seating people that came in after him, before he was seated. My manager talked to him and he finally waited patiently until he was called, as I reached out my hand to grab his buzzer, instead of placing it in my hand, he spit in my hand. A grown man spit in my hand over not being seated quickly enough, it was completely ridiculous. Not only did my managers not kick him out, the bought him dessert for his “troubles”. Welcome to a corporate restaurant.
-Kourtney
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Tags: waitress
Posted in Humor · April 13th, 2010 · Comments (0)